I received an e-mail from my brother, Caligula. Haven't seen him since I was just a little pup. As you may know, I was the last of my litter to be adopted, while Caligula was the 'pick', so to speak, the first one taken. Here, he sent me this picture. It sure takes me back to the farm. He's a cute little cockapoo, isn't he?
I guess life hasn't worked out so good for him. He says his owners leave him outside all day and night, he has fleas, is never bathed, never taken sight-peeing, and is forced to eat only DOG FOOD. Kinda sad. You know what they say - "But for the grace of God, there go I." I'm one lucky dog!
Tommy, that dog would bite your head off.
ReplyDeleteEOMMY, I THINK IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH, YOU TOO CAN LOOK AS MENACING AS YOUR BRO. I HAVE TO SAY THOUGH HIS OWNER LEAVES A LOT TO BE DESIRED IN THE LOOKS DEPT. HIS MANNER OF DRESS I MEAN. WHAT KINSA LOOOOOOOOOOOONG JEANS ARE THOSE, REACHING WELL OVER HIS WORN DOWN SHOES? ALL KIDDING ASIDE, YOU TOMMY HAVE LUCKED OUT. MAKE SURE YOU KEEP 'LICKING' THAT FAMILY OF YOURS SO YOU CAN HAVE MORE OF THE SAME LUXURY TREATMENT.
ReplyDeleteNow you gone and done it, Tommy. Here I tried to reach out to my family and what do I get from you? You publish my story on the internet, like I'm some sorta Oprah sob story. Here you go braggin like you got it so good and I got is so bad. Well, the story ain't over yet. Stuff like this makes me REAL MAD and I just don't know if I can control myself when I get mad! Maybe I get outa here and pay you a visit Tommy. Hope you like drinking your dog food with a straw.
ReplyDeleteDearest Tommy,
ReplyDeleteI never meant for you to learn all this. I know he's my son, too, but stay away from that Caligula. He's been mean as can be since the day he was born. Early on, he was adopted (or more aptly, ripped away from me) by the dobermans who used him like a play toy, teasing, taunting, and bullying him for their own amusement. Shameful! The breeders saw all this, but didn't do anything to stop it. 'Pick of the litter,' I guess you would call that a 'euphamism.' At the first opportunity, they unloaded Caligula (before he got any worse and became unsellable) on an unsuspecting family. What happened after he was adopted, who knows? The dog's so ferocious, they probably don't dare let him in the house.
Now as for your being the last of the litter to be adopted, I never realized it bothered you so much. I guess it's time for me to confess something. I hope your other brothers and sisters can't read or don't use the computer and don't read this. But you were always my favorite, my little adorable Tommy. When those humans would come to the farm, I knew what they were there for. I wanted you to stay with me, who wouldn't? I always held you back, so no one got a good look at you while you still have siblings roaming around. Then there was just you, and I couldn't do anymore to protect you. But I'm not bitter, I've always been happy for you and very proud, you've gotten an education and everything!
Well, that's it, Tommy, I hope that clears things up.
Love, Mom Cherokee
At least Caligula's got balls, unlike you.
ReplyDelete