Ughhh

More maladies, this time diahhrea. For all you humans out there, you think it's easy being a dog? My mommy tries to analyze my diet, like "Oh no, Tommy ate his kibbles from the left side of the bowl to the right, that's what causing these problems." I don't know. I think I'm a growin' pup. A wise dog once said "This too shall pass."

More Unpleasantness

Maladies mount. This time, I hurled my dinner. Didn't do quite as well as this poor fella pictured a left. I left a pile at my mommy's feet under the kitchen table. Don't know what it was, but after the event, I felt fine, in fact hungrier than before. But then there was all this human talk about whether I should eat any more. I kept trying to tell them, I'm feeling better now, especially because it was rib-roast night.

Here's what I have to say to my family, in verse:

Pay no attention

To that vomit on the floor.

Trust me,

I want some more!!!

Troubles Continue

Now I have a small bout of the constipation. Couldn't 'go' this morning. My mom is very worried and threatening to take me to the vet (nice lady and all, but I can do without that stick-thing going up my tush).

Rough Night

Tough night, last night. I had a bout of flatulance, and an upset stomach. I just wanted to curl up in bed and go to sleep. But my mom picked me up and threw me into the back yard and made me stay out there for a long time. I don't know why. I had to to sleep on the deck for a while until my big brother let me in. But I feel better today.

Hillary Train Keeps a Rollin'

Big win in Pennsylvania for HILL-A-REE!!! Good work to all you dogs out there. Exit polling shows Hillary won the dog vote by 10 to 1!!!

Showdown in Pennsylvania

The big day is coming up - the Pennsylvania primary. Pennsylvania is a crossover state where dogs can vote in human primaries and vice versa. Hillary's going to need a big turnout and her political life could be riding on the outcome.


I've been getting a lot of e-mails from dogs across the state. They've been reading my blog and now understand the importance of this human election. To the dog, they've been asking me what they can do to help her chances, especially given that most of them don't have access to computers so they can't do it on their own (that's another matter and another reason why all dogs need to vote for Hillary; she is strongly in favor of federal subsidies to increase canine access to computers). So I told them all, send me your appeals and I'll publish them. Celebrity endorsements, that's what Hillary needs. I heard Bruce Springsteen endorsed Obama, but BIG DEAL, look who I got endorsing Hillary, some pretty famous Pennsylvania dogs!!!


I wanted to post their endorsements unedited. They are writing in Dogish, so I'll translate.




Here is Mike Schmidt's Golden Retriever Homer:

Hillary ruff ruff ruff, ruff! Ruff ruff Hillary ruff. Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff, ruff ruff ruff ruff, RUFFFFF HILLARY!!!


Translation: He's saying Hillary is the candidate for him!






Here is Larry Holmes boxer Jabber:

Tommy, woof woof woof. Hillary woof woof woof WOOOOOOOF! Woof woof woof, Hillary Hillary. Woof woof woof woof woof.


Translation: he's saying "Hillary's da bomb."





Here is Terasa Heinz Kerry's poodle Phee Phee:


Yip, yip yip yip Hillary, yip yip yip yip yip. Yip yip yip yip Hillary yip yip yip yip yip yip yip, yip yip. Tommy yip yip yip.

She says that Hillary's great and hs got to win or else she will go anorexic for a whole month.

Don't Call Me Tommy

Just call me Ol' Number 39090. I got my official dog license today. How humiliating. I'm supposed to wear this around my neck all the time. I DON'T THINK SO.

Explain to me, how is this different than those poor concentration camp survivors?

My Brother, Caligula

I received an e-mail from my brother, Caligula. Haven't seen him since I was just a little pup. As you may know, I was the last of my litter to be adopted, while Caligula was the 'pick', so to speak, the first one taken. Here, he sent me this picture. It sure takes me back to the farm. He's a cute little cockapoo, isn't he?

I guess life hasn't worked out so good for him. He says his owners leave him outside all day and night, he has fleas, is never bathed, never taken sight-peeing, and is forced to eat only DOG FOOD. Kinda sad. You know what they say - "But for the grace of God, there go I." I'm one lucky dog!

I Have a Dream

I've been getting a lot of e-mails from readers, asking me what famous human leader from history I most admire. Well that's an easy one . . . and rather topical at present . . . I like Martin Luther King. You see, he and I are a lot alike. We're both non-violent and like me, he was obsessed with rights, Martin with civil rights and I with the canine variety. Just like me, he probably got bullied a lot when he was a boy, and being no fool, he turned non-violent, get it? He didn't want to get beat up, but he was still able to get a lot of things done, like that lunch counter thing and the voting, you know. And like MLK, those issues are important to me, too. I have a dream that some day all dogs, be they big or little, caramel or white, floppy eared or straight up will be be able to sit at the lunch counters with their owners and also be able to vote. I like that Ghandi guy too. He was also non-violent and got things done. And I imagine he too was beat up a lot as a boy, but maybe he was asking for it, wearing that diaper all the time.

My Rite of Passage

My daddy forwarded an e-mail to me, which was sent to him by my grandma. She told him about the increasingly common practice of doggie Bark Mitzvah:

A NEW CRAZE AMONG SOME JEWS IS THE BARK MITZVAH FOR DOGS. . . BARK MITZVAHS HAVE BECOME A BUISNESS, WITH BOOKS, SONGS, AND PARTY PLANNERS.GUESTS BRING THEIR OWN DOGS, ALONG WITH PARENTS FOR THE BARK MITZVAH (FORGET THE FOUNTAIN PEN), WHO MAY WEAR A DOGGIE TALLIT AND SPECIAL YARMULKE TO FIT OVER HIS EARS, WHILE DELIGHTING IN A BONE-SHAPED MEAT DOGGY CAKE, AND A HAPPY BARK MITZVAH HAT. THE CANINE GUESTS GET A DOGGIE GOODIE BAG FILLED WITH MENORAH BISCUITS. . . .SOME FEEL THE CEREMONY CELEBRATES THEIR SPRIITUAL CONNECTION WITH THEIR PET.

I've been doing some research, so you can read about it for yourselves: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bark_mitzvah

I really want to do it and I will study hard. My family belongs to a Reform Synagogue, which no doubt they will be eager to embrace the new practice. Now let's see . . . Bar Mitzvah traditionally occurs at age 13 and there are 7 dog years on one people year, so . . . I should have my Bark Mitzvah just before my second people year, like late April of this year. So it's coming up pretty soon.

Now as to the guest list, I want my Happy Tails buddies there, and of course Ginny and Tucker, and Maddie and Pippa and Bartley. Killer? I don't think so. And any of you dogs who have bullied me (and you know who you are), don't be holdin your breadth waiting by the mail box.

You Go Girl!

Hillary's still in. She's tough, not backing down.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8VP4R300&show_article=1&catnum=3

Sen Hillary Rodham Clingon says she has something in common with legendary film boxer Rocky Balboa--she's not a quitter.