Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A Career for Tommy?

Here's Hudson, an ambitious, career-oriented beagle, who is doing his job to help keep our country safe.  He is a food and plant sniffing dog who sniffs out bad stuff for the US Customs Service.

Customs acts as screen against potential eco-threats

I heard about Hudson and it really got me to thinking.  You see,my daddy always asks me "Tommy  when are you going to get off your tail and get a job?"  He says I am lazy and good for nothing and don’t do anything but nap.  But, I am university educated and not going to take just any job; I’ve been waiting for just the right opportunity to arise.  If truth be told, I would rather nap all day than be stuck in a dead-end junk-yard-dog type position. 

But then I learned that the US Customs Agency is looking for a for a few good food sniffing dogs like Hudson.  Wow, my dream job, something I know that I would be good at, a ‘rewarding’ job that would make use of  my inate talents.  So I got in contact with customs agency represenetatives.  I was a little shy at first because of my heritage.  I asked straight out if being diverse would count against me.  I was quite heartened when he told me that, on the contrary, the agency recently renewed their commitment to affirmative action and they were looking to increase the diversity of its canine force.

So I hurried down and applied for a job.  They put me through a tough battery of tests, to test my nasal acuity.  During each test, they would line up three different foods and then quickly shout the name of one that I had to pick out from the line-up.  They started easy – the first one had kibbles, Alpo, and ham and shouted ‘HAM’ and I had to go get and eat the right food.  I’m sure I got that  one right.  But the test got harder.  Like one time they lined up three different flavors of ice cream and he shouted ‘MANGO.  I don’t know if I got that one right, or not, but whatever I ate tasted good.  Then they lined up three different kinds of meat and shouted “guinea pig meat”.  Again I don’t know if I got it right (but who cares – I ate them all anyway). 

When I was all done with the test, they said I was a good boy and that  I scored 36% which they said was pretty good, not the best, but OK.  They said I had a good advantage because they don’t have a cockapoo on the force yet and they’ve only interviewed a couple of us and they would be getting  back to  me.

Well that’s about it.  I’ve found my life’s calling, something that would give real meaning to my existence.  So please wish me luck

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

We Shall Overcome

This brave dog, Buddy, did what few before him would ever dare attempt:  he registered to vote. 

That is the key, in my opinion, to full canine rights.  Some dogs insist that the path forward for us is to be ever more obsequious to our human masters, more tail wags, more happy greetings, in the hope that they will favor us with more off-leashing and more table scraps.  I say we have to take matters in our own paws.  We will never be free and equal until we have universal canine-suffrage.