Well, it's been more than two weeks now, since Obama's big victory. The president himself acknowleged my role in getting out the Canine-American vote. No doubt, his team is far along forming his second term administration. I had high hopes that my support would earn me the post that I've longed for, my burning, life-long ambition: Under-secretary for Canine Affairs. While my mommy and daddy have been away at work, I've sat idly by the phone waiting for the call. But alas, it's been silent. I'm starting to wonder what's taking them so long. Could it be that my criminal record has rendered me politically untouchable? But my offence was so long ago and my debt to society has been paid. Surely that couldn't hold me back, could it?
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
I've held my tongue up to now, preferring to study the candidates carefully before woofing my support. But after thorough consideration, I am throwing my weight behind the Obama/Biden ticket. Mr. Obama is a dog owner and maybe even likes Bo by now. Even though he remains silent about issues of importance to us dogs, I think we got a better shot with him than that other guy to get things like universal pet health care, bologna stamps, and subsidized doggie day care. I know, and even posted, that Obama used to eat dogs. But by all accounts, he didn't like it and probably doesn't do it anymore, at least not knowingly. As for his running mate, Joe Biden, I think most of you know that he is a personal friend of mine and a known dog lover.
As for his opponent Romney, he too has remained silent about issues that concern us. The only thing we know for sure is that he has so little regard for our kind, that he put his own dog on the roof of his car while driving his family on vacation.
By most accounts, the election will be very close, especially in my home state of Virginia. The dog vote COULD make the difference, IF we turn out at the polls. I implore you all to vote as if your kibbles depend on it, because they very well could!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Very sad, almost no one out there with me in Freedom Park this past weekend. There are a lot of needy dogs and even some people too. So where were they? Why aren't they out here with me, taking a stand for equality? I'm practically out there by myself. You can see there is another dog who came out, at least one other dog in the city interested in social justice. Not many people though. We'll never get equal kibble distribution at this rate.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
"Some of you may remember that earlier this year, Republicans shut me out of a hearing on canine issues. In fact, on that panel, they didn't hear from a single dog, even though they were debating an issue that affects nearly every one of us. Because it happened in Congress, people noticed. But it happens all the time. Many dogs are shut out and silenced. So while I'm honored to be standing at this podium, it easily could have been any one of you. I'm here because I spoke out, and this November, each of us must do the same.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I’d like to discuss a very important topic today, one that’s been on the minds of a lot of dogs for a long time. My daddy likes to watch sports on TV and that’s OK, it gives me time to catch a few extra zzzzz. Sometimes I even watch a little bit, and that’s when my fur can somteimes get ruffled. Sports has a thing for canine names and mascots. More than 900 high school, college or pro teams use Canine-American-related images to pump up players, fire up crowds and sell T-shirts. Teams say the images convey courage and spirit, and their use honors the dogs they represent.
Then there are the professional teams – with millions of dollars tied up in marketing and merchandise – who have been harder to budge. We have here the case of the Cleveland Browns and their offensive ‘Dog Pound.’ Fans actually come to the games dressed in dogface. Who can look at this picture and not think something is seriously wrong with our society?
I will continue to work tirelessly to see that this custom ends and that depictions of dogs are not exploited in this way. Please consider helping and donating money to the cause if you can.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
I’ve got a beef to make, and I’m speaking here for a lot of dogs just like me. We love treats, no doubt about it. But you humans are inhuman the way you make us beg and do tricks. Some of the things we have to do are make us look downright foolish. Let me tell you what I’m forced to suffer through. Sometimes my daddy makes me do some tricks, which I endure. But that’s not enough. Then he puts the treat down on the floor and makes me SIT and STAY for a long time. It’s really painful for me to wait and sit like that and he just stares at me, grinning. Why not just give me the treat? Does he know it really hurts me, like I’m ready to burst?
OK, that’s my story but all things considered, it’s still worth getting the kong stuffed with hamburger. I’m wondering if other dogs can share their horror stories.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
The state of Washington has grudgingly permitted Canine-Americans to register to vote. That’s one down, 49 states to go, before we will have the full equality accorded even the most loathsome, dog-abusing humans. What the state of Washington is doing is to be commended as a step in the right direction, for sure, but it is by no means perfect. You see, only dogs who have these IDs get to vote – a ‘voter ID’ law. I don’t know if this is a deliberate attempt to continue to disenfranchise dogs or a misguided effort to protect against unfounded accusations of canine voting fraud. If the latter, then I don’t think these state officials know what a burden it is for some of my kind to get an ID. First, places to get IDs are often miles away and it is hard for us to get there. Dogs can’t drive standard automobiles because our hind-paws can’t reach the pedals. Only the richest 1% dogs are able to afford specially equipped canine-friendly cars. Second, sometimes they make you pay for the IDs with money. Again, only those 1% dogs, like those with trust funds, have ready cash. Most of us dogs are paid for our good deeds in kind, with things like bologna and toys, which would not be accepted as legal tender. So I’m glad that Duncan is able to vote. He looks like a good dog who will make wise decisions. But what about the rest of Washington’s dogs? Are their barks not to be heard?
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Hats off to my big brother for finding this outrageous article:
- "A group that tries to get "historically underrepresented groups" to the polls has targeted some particularly unlikely voters: dogs and dead Virginians."
Here’s this group, the “Voter Participation Center” out there trying to secure the voting rights of under-represented minorities like Canine-Americans. And then some newspaper person makes it out to be a big joke, like dogs voting is as funny as dead people voting. Well the joke's lost on me . . . dogs will continue to be oppressed until all of us have secured our rights as citizens.
Monday, July 23, 2012
I’d like to thank the two candidates running for president for coming on this blog and sharing their ideas on canine rights and helping dogs. The president began to lay out his plan to tax the rich and use some of the proceeds to help us pets to get the affordable care we need. While the president was a little vague and condescending, he and I agree in principle on the basic goal. Mr. Romney, who aspires to this important position, came on my blog and made some abstract arguments about ‘kibble procurers,’ which I didn’t really understand and I don’t think will convince any dogs to vote for him. He wants us to rely on our human owners, with no help from the government giving us free things. I appreciate Mr. Romney’s reference to the great Cocker Henry who said ‘give me chicken or give me death,’ but it was clearly a gratuitous reference that didn’t seem to support his point.
I’m glad to see the two candidates discard the politics of personal destruction long enough to discuss the important matters. As things stand now, despite the fact that he is not a dog lover (except when the dog is on his plate), I’m starting to lean towards President Obama.
I'd like to invite the candidates to continue to use this blog to reach out to the canine community. And if I've misrepresented their positions in any way, they can clarify
Friday, July 13, 2012
I think it is terrific that President Obama and my big brother, two of the smartest people I know, are using the comment section of my humble blog as a forum for debating the BIG issues of the day. President Obama has argued that if we tax the rich, there will be sufficient money to include dogs in the Affordable Care Act. In this, the president and I agree, and not only as a vehicle to assure even basic health care for all canines. But we should tax the rich just on basic fairness. The president and I only disagree on the definition of ‘rich’. The president considers you rich if you make more than $200,000 per year, but that is way too conservative a benchmark. Almost every person I see is fabulously wealthy compared to even the most privileged of us dogs. All the people are eating like kings at large tables, while we dogs are eating scraps and kibbles off the floor. All the people sleep on comfy beds while we dogs struggle to find even a little room on the bed and sometimes end up on the floor. All the people have TVs, computers, and cars while we dogs are lucky to have a few meager toys like an old sock, a chewed up tennis ball, or a stuffed monkey. All the people roam free while we dogs are dragged around on leashes like animals. All the people are afforded basic civil rights, due process, and fair trials, while we dogs are hauled off for ‘euthanasia’ for the smallest infractions or just because they got tired of us. Yes I say, go ahead and tax the rich, and by all means direct the proceeds to the oppressed canine community. But let’s call it like it is – all you people are filthy rich and should be taxed a lot.
Now mind you, I am not complaining for myself. I have a good life with my nice human family. But I’ve heard too many tails of woe from my furry friends.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I am quite unpersuaded by the comment President Obama wrote in response to my last blog post. He's trying to pander to us dogs with his double talk:
The Affordable Care Act allows you to keep your current insurance and current care provider at absolutely no change in your current cost. . .
But the fact remains that his 'Affordable Care Act' did nothing for us. My big brother was oh so right when he stated:
. . . the current quantity of health care supplied to you is effectively zero.It is quite evident that current health care provided to Canine-Americans is woefully inadequate and the facts clearly speak for themselves. The average life expectancy of a human in the US is over 78 years, whereas a dog born today can expect to live less than 13 years! And it is much lower than that for bigger varieties like bull dog and doberman, who through no fault of their own may need even more health care because of their size. [some of my best friends back on the farm were dobermans and now that 6 years have lapsed, no telling how many of them are even left.] We are losing many of our precious canine resources far too soon when they still have so much to offer. It is more than a national tragedy. It speaks to who we are as a nation; it is a moral issue.
So what are you doing about that, Mr. President?
Friday, July 6, 2012
WOW, are the dog days ever upon us. It's hot, I'm furry, and I don't feel like doing any physical activity. So I've been spending the past couple of days inside, researching the human president's Affordable Care Act. It's long, no doubt (you can read the whole thing here:
Obama's Affordable Care Act) . . . and by all accounts contained far too much for all those congresspeople and senators to read before passing it. So it was with great anticipation that I sat down to read about all the benefits that will now accrue to the canine community.
So after reading the whole thing, I've transcribed here the passages that pertain to us dogs:
" . . ."
That's right, nothing, not a single word!
Mr. President, you'r a dog owner and by some accounts some of the members of you family even love Bo. But what if Bo becomes sick and needs vet care? Do you realize how much the vets charge? I know you're a successful, well-paid politician and can afford it, come what may. But what about the rest of us dogs out here, the 99% dogs? What's to become of us?
Friday, June 29, 2012
Yep, that Bryce Harper is the real deal, alright. Not only does he look like a cockapoo and run like a cockapoo, but he is real dog lover. His parents know that and so they got him a little puppy, Swag, for Christmas. That's a picture of Swag, a chocolate lab, that Bryce sent me to post on my blog, so the whole canine community would get to see him and know that no matter how big and famous he gets he will always be a friend to us dogs.
Swag is still a little puppy and still learning life skills. But when gets a little older and learns to read and write, I hope he will be a frequent contributor to this forum. And maybe I'll see Swag out there at the park when my daddy takes me to the ballgame.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Daddy has been watching a lot of games this year. He thinks I'm sleeping, but I have been playing careful attention and I decided I like this guy Bryce Harper. What's there not to like. His fur looks like a cockapoos, except the groomer did a bad job. And he runs as fast as a cockapoo, too. It would be like a dream come true if daddy takes me to an actual game to see him. But I don't know if that can happen because of baseball's strict segregation rules. But he's a good daddy and maybe he can work something out.
Monday, June 11, 2012
I got my fur cut this past weekend. I'm not going to lie to you -- I don't like it. They put me in a cage before and after the torture session. And when they are all done, all the good sniffs are taken out of my fur and I smell like some kind of soap dish -- yuchhh. But I have to admit, I am cooler on my walks without all that extra fur.
The lady who runs the place is kind of nice except for all the things she has her helpers do to me. When they were done with me, she said I was a very good boy and so she was going to give me a new bandana and let me choose it. So she led me to the back room where she keeps them and said I could choose my own. It was a hard decision because she has such a large variety, from Santa Clauses to Easter bunnies, four-leaf clovers, to turkeys. But then I saw the one I wanted, so I gently pawed it and she put it on me. You can see it on me in the photo above, one that truly expresses who I am both as a dog and global citizen: the one with the peace symbols. Because that's me. I just want peace and no fighting. I think all dogs should be happy and sniff each other and not play ruff. And humans, too.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
It was quite a birthday celebration my family threw for me last Saturday.
First, my family played with me all day and gave me lots of attention.
Second, we all went out for dinner, me, my mommy and daddy and brother and sister. I sat under the table and I got not one, but two stuffed kongs, with HOT DOG, no less (note to reader, despite the name, it was certified to contain strictly beef, no canine meat).
I got presents, too. You can see the picture of me above, with my new porcine toy that makes actual pig noises. It even matches the color of my tongue. But my big present was a total surprise. In the morning I heard the doorbell ring, no big deal, I just woofed a little. Then two big humans come in and take my bed away -- uh oh. But wait, they brought in a brand NEW BED for me. It is higher up to jump into, but that's OK because it is real soft and just sink right into it and sleep very well. WHAT A SURPRISE FROM MOMMY AND DADDY. I don't want to hog it all for myself, so I have been letting them sleep in it too, just for now.
Friday, April 20, 2012
I've been very consistent about this. I never trusted our human president. He didn't want to get Bo and only made some lame promise to his daughters based on some improbable event (like being elected president). I could make a promise like that too: sure if I beat up Thing 1 and Thing 2, I'll quit eating chicken kongs.
Then he actually goes and becomes president and has to pay off his daughters. He probably would have welched except everyone knew about it. so now he's stuck with Bo, but you know he doesn't like Bo unless he wants a photo with his better half to try to get people to like him.
I know, it's old news, we all know this. But new facts about the president and dogs, shocking facts, are now surfacing. These facts are even by his own admission. He doesn't want to play with dogs or scratch them behind the ears, he wants to EAT them. It's written right there, in black and white in the president's own words in that book he wrote about his father, Lolo:
With Lolo, I learned how to eat small green chili peppers, raw dinner (with plenty of rice), and away from the dinnter table I was introduced to dog meat (tough), snake meat (tougher), and roasted grasshopper (crunchy). Like many Indonesians, Lolo followed a brand of Islam that could make room for the remnants of more ancient animist and Hindu faiths. He explained that a man took on the powers of whatever he ate: ONe day soon, he promised, he would bring home a piece of tiger meat for us to share."
This man is not a friend to us dogs, that's for sure.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Here's Hudson, an ambitious, career-oriented beagle, who is doing his job to help keep our country safe. He is a food and plant sniffing dog who sniffs out bad stuff for the US Customs Service.
I heard about Hudson and it really got me to thinking. You see,my daddy always asks me "Tommy when are you going to get off your tail and get a job?" He says I am lazy and good for nothing and don’t do anything but nap. But, I am university educated and not going to take just any job; I’ve been waiting for just the right opportunity to arise. If truth be told, I would rather nap all day than be stuck in a dead-end junk-yard-dog type position.
But then I learned that the US Customs Agency is looking for a for a few good food sniffing dogs like Hudson. Wow, my dream job, something I know that I would be good at, a ‘rewarding’ job that would make use of my inate talents. So I got in contact with customs agency represenetatives. I was a little shy at first because of my heritage. I asked straight out if being diverse would count against me. I was quite heartened when he told me that, on the contrary, the agency recently renewed their commitment to affirmative action and they were looking to increase the diversity of its canine force.
So I hurried down and applied for a job. They put me through a tough battery of tests, to test my nasal acuity. During each test, they would line up three different foods and then quickly shout the name of one that I had to pick out from the line-up. They started easy – the first one had kibbles, Alpo, and ham and shouted ‘HAM’ and I had to go get and eat the right food. I’m sure I got that one right. But the test got harder. Like one time they lined up three different flavors of ice cream and he shouted ‘MANGO. I don’t know if I got that one right, or not, but whatever I ate tasted good. Then they lined up three different kinds of meat and shouted “guinea pig meat”. Again I don’t know if I got it right (but who cares – I ate them all anyway).
When I was all done with the test, they said I was a good boy and that I scored 36% which they said was pretty good, not the best, but OK. They said I had a good advantage because they don’t have a cockapoo on the force yet and they’ve only interviewed a couple of us and they would be getting back to me.
Well that’s about it. I’ve found my life’s calling, something that would give real meaning to my existence. So please wish me luck
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
This brave dog, Buddy, did what few before him would ever dare attempt: he registered to vote.
That is the key, in my opinion, to full canine rights. Some dogs insist that the path forward for us is to be ever more obsequious to our human masters, more tail wags, more happy greetings, in the hope that they will favor us with more off-leashing and more table scraps. I say we have to take matters in our own paws. We will never be free and equal until we have universal canine-suffrage.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
What an exciting finish to the Westminster Dog Show, and my favorite Malachy came away the big winner. Yes, I was watching. My mommy and daddy kept whispering amazement how I could sleep through the whole thing. But I was only pretending to sleep, keeping one eye surreptitiously glued to the TV. Among the final 7, this is the only one I liked, who I'd be pleased to exchange some sniffs with. The others . . . well, did you get a good look at the doberman? or that German shepherd? Holy moly, they'd leave nothing but fur and bone when they got done with me. Well, what about the cute dachshund, you ask? Huh! I remember running into a pair of dachshunds at the dog park who were very unfriendly and had to be dragged off me. Well enough about me. Malachy is a good dog with even more fur than I have.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Would you please take me to Jack-in-the Box? They sell this juicy Bacon Milkshake and I really really want to try it. OK?
By the way, here's what's in it:
Made with real vanilla ice cream, bacon flavored syrup, whipped topping and a maraschino cherry.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Gosh, I've been napping so much I forgot to check the results from South Carolina. And I woke up to learn that Newt won a smashing victory in South Carolina. I know he is a great man and I am just a small [furry] cockapoo [with sloppy ears and a short stubby tail]. But I hope that in some small way, my support helped mobilize large segments of the Canine-American community.
Romney's past record with Seamus is really 'dogging' him. Now it's on to Florida, where I expect Newt to go real well.
Friday, January 13, 2012
I have to admit, Romney really impressed me. After his victory in the New Hampshire, a victory I worked so tirelessly to prevent, he came clean and apologized right here, in an exclusive on my blog. I've transcribed his comment.
I'm here in New Hampshire and as you can imagine, things are pretty crazy right now. But I want to thank you for calling me out on event you criticized. It was a bone-headed thing I did, putting Seamus on the roof of the car and I'm real sorry and a changed man. I hope you saw my speech. I was puporsely wearing my doggie tie for you to see, a way for me to express my atonement and my respect for your work.
Gotta go, I got a lot of supporters out there.
OK, I have to admit, I missed his speech. Maybe my daddy had it on, I don't know. I suppose I was curled up on the ottoman taking my after dinner snooze. But after seeing his comment, I searched the web for a picture of him during the speech . . . and sure enough, it really looks like a cute doggie tie that he's wearing. Maybe I misjudged him or maybe not. Time will tell. But in the meantime, I still want Newt because he's always been good for us dogs.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Very disappointing result in the Iowa caucuses. Newt didn't do so well, but I think my endorsement helped him a little. I saw that his arch-enemy, Mitt Romney, did well in Iowa and I want to make one final appeal to all you dog-lovers in New Hampshire. I think you should vote for Newt, but if you don't want to vote for him for whatever reason, PLEASE, don't vote for Romney. The man is very bad to us dogs. That's what I just learned.
Romney had a really nice dog, an Irish Setter, named Seamus, who you can see here. You would have thought he would have loved the dog and treated him well. But evidently, that's not the kind of human Mitt Romney is.
Romney and his wife and five young boys piled into the family station wagon for a 12-hour drive from Boston to Lake Huron in Canada. As was the custom, Seamus, their Irish setter, rode in a crate strapped to the top of the car. . . Somewhere along the way, the dog began to experience, shall we say, digestive trouble that made its presence known via, uh, streaks on the back windshield. Ever the efficiency enforcer, Romney pulled into a gas station, hosed the dog off, put him back on the roof and continued the trip.
Put's his nice doggie on the roof. How do you like that? I'm sorry, this is not the kind of man I could support, and I bet you are the same way. Please, all my dog and dog-loving friends out there in New Hampshire, tell everyone you know what kind of man Mitt Romney really is . . . before it's too late!