Tuesday, March 30, 2010

US Census: a Symbol of Canine Oppression

I'm just blown away by the 2010 US Census. I posted the first page of the form to the left and if you enlarge the image, you will see the number of times the words 'person' and 'people' are mentioned in yellow (approximately 16 times). I also highlighted the words 'dog' and 'canine' in bright red (exactly 0 times). You read that right; humans 16, dogs 0. We are not counted at all, not even three fifths of a human. There is some irony, if one is able to find humor in overt neglect. You are instructed to "Count all people . . . who live and sleep here most of the time." I mean, come on, who sleeps in the house more than I do?

I implore all you humans out there to record your dogs into the form so we are counted too. I know my daddy counted me.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My latest report card

I got a bath and a clipping yesterday. The lady came and hustled me into her torture van. No big deal, right? I'm a big dog now, and I've learned to endure. For all the fuss and bother, I'm guessing she did a good job. My whole family says how cute I look with the little extra fur left on my tail and a not insubstantial mustache. All well and good, no news here, right? Wrong! Look at my report card.

Some of it is OK. Like this: "anal glands moderately full today and healthy." I feel good. Phewww, that's some load off my tush.

And this: "Tommy's coat, skin, and ears all appear healthy today . . ."

But here's the deal. Can you see my grade? B+, ughhh. And do you see why? "I could use more brushing and combing" it says. And whose fault is that? Not mine; it is really my mommy and daddy who are to blame. I worked real hard and was very good. But this stays on my permanent record. What if I decide to go onto graduate school? What are my chances with this ugly blot? It isn't fair.