I'm basically a friendly cockapoo, but I'm kinda scared, like of other dogs. I don't know why, but they always want to beat me up. Like, I go to the dog park sometimes, just to have fun, you know, and sniff around. Lots of dogs there, big dogs, little dogs, and all the sizes in between. But who do they pick on, who do they stalk? Me, friendly little Tommy. And on my walks, the other dogs are always real mean to me, mean barks like they really want to get me, and sometimes they do and my dad has to protect me. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but there's even a cat who trys to bully me. I don't like to fight back, I'm kinda scared and I just want to be a good boy. But gosh darn it all, i just gotta do something.
So I saw this ad from a guy named Charles Atlas and he says he can make me strong and tough in as little as 15 minutes a day. Well, I don't have a lot to do during the day, when my familiy is away, all I do is kinda laze around. So what do you think. Do you think Charles Atlas can make a new dog out of me?
7 comments:
Tommy - I don't know anything about Charles Atlas, but I do know this. I hate cockapoos, the way they look, the way they smell, the way they strut. And if I ever see you walk past my yard on Cross St. again, so help me, I'm going to get you. I don't care about the electric fence/collar. I'll take the hit, it'll feel like a massage compared to what I'm going to do to you.
Your friend, Butchie.
Da reason all da dogs want to smash your little face is that ya strut aroun pttin on airs. You think you a cackapoo? A designer dog? Bull! Ya nothin but a mongrel whose mom got mounted out behind da barn one night when cody got drunk and didnt even realize it was that ugly bitch Cherokee he was doin. Then the humans we let roam the farm saw your daddy comin and told him you was made on purpose. What a laugh! They turned a mongrel into a cockapoo, and you strut around like you be somethin special. No wonder every dog wants a piece of ya.
TOMMELA.
YOU DON`T NEED AN 'ATLAS' OR ANY BODYGUARD FOR THAT MATTER. YOU`RE JUST LIKE YOUR GRANDDAD (PAPA JACK). HE ALSO TAKES ALL NEGATIVES AS DIRECTED AT HIM. NOT SO. HERE`S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PUT OFFGUARD ALL THOSE SO CALLED BULLIES. 'STAND YOUR GUARD.' OR, JUST PUT ON AN AIR OF ARROGANCE AS YOU STRUT RIGHT PAST THEM. STRENGTHEN THAT MIND.("I THINK I CAN,I THINK CAN,,,,,,,,,,,,,," DO THAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN YOUR LEISURE TIME. SOON YOU`LL BE BOTHERED NO MORE. NO NEED TO PUT UP THOSE FISTS. "THINK STRONG!
Dearest Tommy,
I feel I need to respond to that 'Ralph' or whoever that is. I know of no such dog here at Autumn View, and whoever made that post got everything wrong.
Mr. Burdette has been breeding quality cockapoos for quite some time. He usually likes to pick the mates himself, for business reasons. But in our case, Cody and I went to Mr. Burdette and pleaded with him to let us mate. He rubbed his chin for a moment, thinking the matter over, then gave his blessing. I recall it quite vividly, it was such a beautiful evening, just Cody and me in the little doggie love suite. Rest assurred, Tommy, you were conceived in love.
Conceived in love? What a laugh. Unless what Cherokee really means is that Cody loves ta rape any bitch he catches, whether or not she be in heat. Of course, what was she doing down behie the barn which everyone knows is where Cody goes to get his entertainment?"
Tommy - if you believes what that cherokee says, then yous dummer than I think. She got quite the imagination that ones got. It's more like that ralphie boy says, cept I wasn’t drunk only a little tipsy. And he's right, I thought it was Fidget I done got, not cherokee, but it was dark out there. Anyways, if I got my choice of bitches, you probably a done turn out better, not no sissy like you is. That's cherokees doin. Sure, go ahead and blow your new daddy's money on charles atlas, not that its going to do no good, but what do I care? Better yet, come on up here back to the farm and the dobermans will toughen you up.
Hey, what do you expect Pansey Boy? You let your daddy have your nuts cut off. Next thing he'll be putting you in a dress. Butchie isn't trying to kill you. He's trying tyo mount you.
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