Ughhh

More maladies, this time diahhrea. For all you humans out there, you think it's easy being a dog? My mommy tries to analyze my diet, like "Oh no, Tommy ate his kibbles from the left side of the bowl to the right, that's what causing these problems." I don't know. I think I'm a growin' pup. A wise dog once said "This too shall pass."

More Unpleasantness

Maladies mount. This time, I hurled my dinner. Didn't do quite as well as this poor fella pictured a left. I left a pile at my mommy's feet under the kitchen table. Don't know what it was, but after the event, I felt fine, in fact hungrier than before. But then there was all this human talk about whether I should eat any more. I kept trying to tell them, I'm feeling better now, especially because it was rib-roast night.

Here's what I have to say to my family, in verse:

Pay no attention

To that vomit on the floor.

Trust me,

I want some more!!!

Troubles Continue

Now I have a small bout of the constipation. Couldn't 'go' this morning. My mom is very worried and threatening to take me to the vet (nice lady and all, but I can do without that stick-thing going up my tush).

Rough Night

Tough night, last night. I had a bout of flatulance, and an upset stomach. I just wanted to curl up in bed and go to sleep. But my mom picked me up and threw me into the back yard and made me stay out there for a long time. I don't know why. I had to to sleep on the deck for a while until my big brother let me in. But I feel better today.

Hillary Train Keeps a Rollin'

Big win in Pennsylvania for HILL-A-REE!!! Good work to all you dogs out there. Exit polling shows Hillary won the dog vote by 10 to 1!!!

Showdown in Pennsylvania

The big day is coming up - the Pennsylvania primary. Pennsylvania is a crossover state where dogs can vote in human primaries and vice versa. Hillary's going to need a big turnout and her political life could be riding on the outcome.


I've been getting a lot of e-mails from dogs across the state. They've been reading my blog and now understand the importance of this human election. To the dog, they've been asking me what they can do to help her chances, especially given that most of them don't have access to computers so they can't do it on their own (that's another matter and another reason why all dogs need to vote for Hillary; she is strongly in favor of federal subsidies to increase canine access to computers). So I told them all, send me your appeals and I'll publish them. Celebrity endorsements, that's what Hillary needs. I heard Bruce Springsteen endorsed Obama, but BIG DEAL, look who I got endorsing Hillary, some pretty famous Pennsylvania dogs!!!


I wanted to post their endorsements unedited. They are writing in Dogish, so I'll translate.




Here is Mike Schmidt's Golden Retriever Homer:

Hillary ruff ruff ruff, ruff! Ruff ruff Hillary ruff. Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff, ruff ruff ruff ruff, RUFFFFF HILLARY!!!


Translation: He's saying Hillary is the candidate for him!






Here is Larry Holmes boxer Jabber:

Tommy, woof woof woof. Hillary woof woof woof WOOOOOOOF! Woof woof woof, Hillary Hillary. Woof woof woof woof woof.


Translation: he's saying "Hillary's da bomb."





Here is Terasa Heinz Kerry's poodle Phee Phee:


Yip, yip yip yip Hillary, yip yip yip yip yip. Yip yip yip yip Hillary yip yip yip yip yip yip yip, yip yip. Tommy yip yip yip.

She says that Hillary's great and hs got to win or else she will go anorexic for a whole month.

Don't Call Me Tommy

Just call me Ol' Number 39090. I got my official dog license today. How humiliating. I'm supposed to wear this around my neck all the time. I DON'T THINK SO.

Explain to me, how is this different than those poor concentration camp survivors?

My Brother, Caligula

I received an e-mail from my brother, Caligula. Haven't seen him since I was just a little pup. As you may know, I was the last of my litter to be adopted, while Caligula was the 'pick', so to speak, the first one taken. Here, he sent me this picture. It sure takes me back to the farm. He's a cute little cockapoo, isn't he?

I guess life hasn't worked out so good for him. He says his owners leave him outside all day and night, he has fleas, is never bathed, never taken sight-peeing, and is forced to eat only DOG FOOD. Kinda sad. You know what they say - "But for the grace of God, there go I." I'm one lucky dog!

I Have a Dream

I've been getting a lot of e-mails from readers, asking me what famous human leader from history I most admire. Well that's an easy one . . . and rather topical at present . . . I like Martin Luther King. You see, he and I are a lot alike. We're both non-violent and like me, he was obsessed with rights, Martin with civil rights and I with the canine variety. Just like me, he probably got bullied a lot when he was a boy, and being no fool, he turned non-violent, get it? He didn't want to get beat up, but he was still able to get a lot of things done, like that lunch counter thing and the voting, you know. And like MLK, those issues are important to me, too. I have a dream that some day all dogs, be they big or little, caramel or white, floppy eared or straight up will be be able to sit at the lunch counters with their owners and also be able to vote. I like that Ghandi guy too. He was also non-violent and got things done. And I imagine he too was beat up a lot as a boy, but maybe he was asking for it, wearing that diaper all the time.

My Rite of Passage

My daddy forwarded an e-mail to me, which was sent to him by my grandma. She told him about the increasingly common practice of doggie Bark Mitzvah:

A NEW CRAZE AMONG SOME JEWS IS THE BARK MITZVAH FOR DOGS. . . BARK MITZVAHS HAVE BECOME A BUISNESS, WITH BOOKS, SONGS, AND PARTY PLANNERS.GUESTS BRING THEIR OWN DOGS, ALONG WITH PARENTS FOR THE BARK MITZVAH (FORGET THE FOUNTAIN PEN), WHO MAY WEAR A DOGGIE TALLIT AND SPECIAL YARMULKE TO FIT OVER HIS EARS, WHILE DELIGHTING IN A BONE-SHAPED MEAT DOGGY CAKE, AND A HAPPY BARK MITZVAH HAT. THE CANINE GUESTS GET A DOGGIE GOODIE BAG FILLED WITH MENORAH BISCUITS. . . .SOME FEEL THE CEREMONY CELEBRATES THEIR SPRIITUAL CONNECTION WITH THEIR PET.

I've been doing some research, so you can read about it for yourselves: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bark_mitzvah

I really want to do it and I will study hard. My family belongs to a Reform Synagogue, which no doubt they will be eager to embrace the new practice. Now let's see . . . Bar Mitzvah traditionally occurs at age 13 and there are 7 dog years on one people year, so . . . I should have my Bark Mitzvah just before my second people year, like late April of this year. So it's coming up pretty soon.

Now as to the guest list, I want my Happy Tails buddies there, and of course Ginny and Tucker, and Maddie and Pippa and Bartley. Killer? I don't think so. And any of you dogs who have bullied me (and you know who you are), don't be holdin your breadth waiting by the mail box.

You Go Girl!

Hillary's still in. She's tough, not backing down.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8VP4R300&show_article=1&catnum=3

Sen Hillary Rodham Clingon says she has something in common with legendary film boxer Rocky Balboa--she's not a quitter.

Shouldn't Happen to a Dog

I'm basically a friendly cockapoo, but I'm kinda scared, like of other dogs. I don't know why, but they always want to beat me up. Like, I go to the dog park sometimes, just to have fun, you know, and sniff around. Lots of dogs there, big dogs, little dogs, and all the sizes in between. But who do they pick on, who do they stalk? Me, friendly little Tommy. And on my walks, the other dogs are always real mean to me, mean barks like they really want to get me, and sometimes they do and my dad has to protect me. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but there's even a cat who trys to bully me. I don't like to fight back, I'm kinda scared and I just want to be a good boy. But gosh darn it all, i just gotta do something.

So I saw this ad from a guy named Charles Atlas and he says he can make me strong and tough in as little as 15 minutes a day. Well, I don't have a lot to do during the day, when my familiy is away, all I do is kinda laze around. So what do you think. Do you think Charles Atlas can make a new dog out of me?

Bush Bails Out the Fat Cats

It's time to get really outraged. The Fed will bail out Bear Stearns, one of the richest Wall Street companies:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/business/investing/bal-te.bz.economy15mar15,0,4840774.story

Once again, Bush shows his true stripes, giving money to his 'fat cat' friends (I mean that figuratively, if he was really favoring the fat cats, I would be even more outraged). That money could really be used for good to help the poor. There are cockapoos starving in Mt. Airy, Mr. Bush. But do you care?

Just a lot of poo? Breedism in America

Some dogs I know say we live in a post-breedist society, breed doesn't matter, all dogs are equal. Well, read this . . . if this doesn't scare the dog poop out of you, I don't know what will.

http://www.petznjam.com/msgboard/messages/928.html

Here are some choice quotes:

"Behind the hype and the clever name is a common mutt."

"Every mixed breed dog . . . is one of a kind because its genetic makeup is an unpredictable jumble of characteristics. No two are alike. Does this factor alone justify a high price, higher than what's charged by many reputable breeders of quality purebreds?"

"Don't be fooled by the whimsical names, the intriguing descriptions, and the high prices! It's just a lot of poo. "

This is how it started with the humans in Germany. They said no one was as good as the quality purebred German. Then look what happened. Dogs and sympathetic humans, take note and BEWARE. And while you're at it, be sure to email that 'Paula' (email link in the article) and let her know that her kind of breedist thinking is un-American.

Tommy

June 1

Some little dog (I'm not going to say who, but he looks a lot like the cute little cockapoo to the left) has a birthday coming up. And I think I know what he might like for a present. If you can't think of the perfect present for that special little guy, why not consider this:

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/hillary+clinton/-/pv_design_prod/id_16216281/p_storeid.91983939/pNo_91983939

The Campaign Rolls Forward

I didn't want to rush right out and start bragging last Tuesday after Hillary won impressive victories. Those who frequent my blog can probably guess that we cockapoos are humble creatures. We're not gonna do any trash talking or anything like that. But an impressive victory it was. I'd like to think that in some small way I was helpful, getting out the dog vote and all. I'm friendly with a dog close to the campaign who tells me Hillary will soon release a new plan to allow a tax write-off for dependent dogs. So owners will have more money for bones and toys and stuff like that. This will sure help some sad cases, like the lady who went to the cupboard to fetch her poor doggie a bone, but I heard that when she got there, the cupboard was bare. Kinda breaks your heart. All you in Pennsylvania, PLEASE consider this when you get out for that important vote next month.

Congrats to Pearl

Congratulations go to my good friend Pearl the Springer Spaniel. Your namesake has his Tennessee b-ball team at #1 (though perhaps short-lived).

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/rankings

Brush with the Law

I had a frightening experience last weekend - I WAS ARRESTED! No, I wasn't detained, just cited. You see, I taking a nice walk with my Daddy in Lewinsville Park and I was off the leash. I knew I shoulda been on the leash, I saw the sign and all. But it's fun to roam around, sniff, and romp. Well, we were deep in the woods when wouldn't you know, but this mean policeman on foot storms over to us, looks down at me and said "You bad little cockapoo, you can't wander around like that, get back on your leash!" I did what he said, because he was very gruff and looked more vicious than Killer the Dog, my neighbor across the street. Then he wrote me a ticket and said I hadda pay and if he ever caught me again, I'd end up in cockapoo lockup. I was scared; I don't want that to happen again. I've learned my lesson. Daddy said he would pay the ticket for me, but says I have to do extra chores around the house, like pick up my toys and put them back in the toy basket.

Tommy Cloning

If I didn't see it with my own two eyes, I wouldn't have believed it - dog cloning.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7246380.stm

I know it's controversial and all, but i think it's a good idea in some cases. Like for instance, I'm a pretty good dog, that's what my family tells me all the time (except for my human mom, who sometimes claims I pee and poop in the house too much, but really she's unfair because I hardly do it at all). And who wouldn't want a little cockapoo just like me. The truth of the matter is that when I was just a pup, I was lightened by two stone so it'll be tough for me to have puppies the old-fashioned way. So now there's a new way. If I get cloned a few times, there'll be a bunch of Tommy's running around. Maybe we can have a couple more Tommys right here in my house and maybe we can have a few Tommys of other people who would like a small furry cockapoo with floppy ears and a short stubby tail.

So whatya think? Please vote on the right.

Tommy

Betrayal

Sorry, I'm just getting over Hillary's disappointing finish in the VA primary. My dad was right, I was turned away when I tried to vote. Cockapoos have been systematically disenfranchised for this country's entire history. Life sure has some harsh lessons to teach. "A dog's life" they call it. I'm starting to realize why.

But being unable to vote, the least I could expect is my family would support me. My mom and dad both told me they voted for Hillary. But what about my brother? He told me he voted for McCain. I think if all the dogs were allowed to vote and didn't have to depend on unreliable family members to carry out their wishes, Hillary would have won.

Heros or VICTIMS?

Something doesn't quite sniff right about this story. Why didn't those people try to save those innocent dogs? One could make a case of wanton murder. But because they were only dogs, does anyone care?



Dogs Give Up Their Lives to Save Family

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5huApFOJnetOHl_S9SKUMYA3dFN8QD8UOCJU80

In Support of My Candidate

Dear Mr. Obama,

I am very honored that you took time out of your busy schedule to read and respond to my blog. However, I must respectively inform you that I am a Hillary supporter. As for your comment to my previous post, regarding the fates of Socks and Buddy, I fear you too are slipping into the 'politics of personal destruction'. Until now, I would be the first to admit that you have led an upstanding and respectable campaign. But using the unfortunate demise of Buddy the Lab for your own personal political benefit is no doubt beneath you. Shame on you, Mr. Obama.

But to change the subject, Mr. Obama, how long are you going to duck the issue that hovers over your campaign, the one most important to my readers? When will you fulfill your promise and get your kids that dog?

Tuesday is less than 48 hours away. I implore all you cockapoos and other dogs out there to get out and support Hillary.

An Urgent Appeal

Dear Friends,

Tuesday is the big day, the day we in Virginia vote in the presidential primaries. Who better to cast your ballot for than the nice lady who wrote this heart-warming book? I refer, of course, to Hillary Clinton. She's in a tight race with Obama, who appears to be a good man, but what do we really know about him? He doesn't appear to be any friend of the dog, I'll say that. He's probably still promising to get his kids that dog, but when? He's just not a man of action. Hillary is for a universal pet health system, so if you get sick with, like, rabies or something, you're sure you'll be taken care of. And Hillary's against global warming and I am too. I have so much fur that I will be very uncomfortable if it gets any warmer. I intend to vote for Hillary on Tuesday and I encourage you to do the same thing.

A Good Walk Spoiled

Mommy and Daddy took me for a nice walk yesterday. We went to the National Mall. Lot's of friendly people, but it wasn't all so great. A few problems 1) it was a little scary, what with some of those little kids and other dogs, 2) they walked too fast and I didn't get to as much sniffing as I would have liked, and 3) they started fighting over whether I could drink from the rain puddles.

You see, we had quite a rain on Friday. I should know, my fur got real wet during my walk. It was such a prodigeous rain that there were many puddles on the mall. We took quite a hike yesterday, and as you might imagine, I got thirsty. And I saw them, those inviting puddles. So I pulled and tugged at my leash, practically choking myself. Daddy wanted to let me take a drink, but mommy protested, took the leash from him and wouldn't let me drink. She said stuff like - the puddles aren't clean and puddles are only for low class, diverse breed dogs. Well I don't know for sure, but I see some pretty fancy, hoity-toity McLean dogs, real snooty non-diverse breed dogs, drinking from puddles. Fact is, I even saw Pippa and Bartley drinking from them and they are high-class dogs (VERY non-diverse breed).

So here's my question for the day. Should I be allowed to drink from rain puddles? Please vote at the right.

Thanks,

Tommy (the cockapoo formerly from Mt. Airy)

Our Nation's Capitol

What a walk. Can you imagine, a small, furry, cockapoo from humble Autumn View Farm beginnings, taken for a morning walk around our nation's capitol! Yep, that's where I was out sniffing yesterday morning. Out where so many greats paved the way for us, the likes of Calhoun, Clay, Lassie, Rin-Tin-Tin, Webster, and Benji. I was so overcome with emotion, that let loose a massive stool before we barely began our walk.

Some Breakthrough - Big Deal

Check it out: Scientists develop computer that can 'translate' a dog's bark

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=508550&in_page_id=1811

Big Deal, a computer that can translate what we say when we bark. Why not just ask me? I'll tell you what they're saying. Unfortunately, they're often barking "Tommy, I'm going to beat you up."

Sight-Peeing

My mommy and daddy took me to our nation's capitol for some sniffing and peeing. It was a fun trip. I got to pee on some real famous spots. We started at the Vietnam Memorial. I peed on a couple of the posts, but my daddy wouldn't let me 'go' on the wall, not sure why. Then chased some ducks at the Declaration of Independence exhibit before going to the WW II Memorial. There were a lot of people there, so it was hard to find a quiet spot, but I managed to get one of the pillars. I then got to go to the Washington Monument (pictured at the left). We walked the entire perimeter, my daddy tried to get me to 'go' on it but I was saving it up for . . . the National Christmas tree. It's a big, big tree, a dog could really lose himself in there. But to my bitter disappointment, it is all fenced in - I got so close, but yet so far. We walked around there for a bit; I tried to lift my leg on the cute little manger scene, but daddy whisked me away before I got a chance. We ended the day at the Einstein exhibit, but I had nothing left for Albert.

All in all, a great day.

Heartwarming but . . .

Here's a story sure to warm even the hardest of hearts. We all need these uplifting stories in this the age of global warming, imperialistic wars over oil, and increasing corporate greed.

Yes, Armani the monkey is being returned to his loving owner. Armani, you may recall, was ripped from his owners arms by the authorities. Now the courts have ruled that Armani can return to her and play in his own private playground again. The story is heartwarming in one sense, but cautionary in another. In this, the age of Bush and Cheney, when the authorities can literally kick down your door and steal a cute little monkey, what's next, Cockapoos?

http://www.gazette.net/stories/121207/montnew54142_32356.shtml

Whatever Became of . . .

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/features/mutts/blog/2007/12/michael_vicks_dogs_where_are_t.html

Where are they now, Michael Vick's dogs? Well, 47 of these poor fellas are still looking for a loving home. Please help.

Thanks,

Tommy

23 months: Was Justice Really Served?

I've been silent on this subject up until now. It took a while to get over the shock. Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months!!

Can you imagine that - 23 months. For MULTIPLE HOMICIDE? Why not throw in T-Bone steaks, smothered with beef gravy every day? And ice cream sundaes? If we, as a society, have become that unconcerned about man's best friend, well, I'm afraid we've 'gone to the dogs' (so to speak).

http://www.boston.com/sports/articles/2007/12/11/vicks_sentence_23_months/

OK, I've said my piece.

Tommy

All I can say is - WOW

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=492264&in_page_id=1811

That's some little dog, there on the right. Not a BIG cockapoo, like me.

Cherokee Responds

My mom e-mailed me. Maybe it clears it up. I included her e-mail, unedited. You can decide for yourselves.

"Dearest Tommy,

You shouldn't believe anything that Gizmo says. He's the kind of dog, how should I say this . . . well, after you wrestle him, you better count the studs on your collar. This dog, Gizmo, he's always got an angle. He plays cards with the Dobermans all the time, for BIG steaks (sic). It's been alleged that it's not beneath him to pull a card or two out from under his fur, which he conveniently keeps longer than average. He's a gutsy poodle, I'll give him that; if the Dobermans ever catch him in the act, I'm afraid it's goodbye Gizmo.

Well, Tommy, he's been pulling this dramatic "I'm you're pa" stunt with nearly all the newly adopted Autumn View Farm puppies. Once he learned about Trouble's $12,000,000 trust fund (you know, Leona Helmsley's Maltese dog named Trouble), he's been trying to find an angle to get himself in on the action. He's been trying to ingratiate himself with a well-to-do family, get off the farm and adopted, and maybe cash in on his own big trust fund.

So Tommy, my adorable little puppy, Gizmo is not your dad. He's just not my type. As I've told you before, Cody is your dad.

Love,
Mom Cherokee"

OK, yea, I did read about Trouble. Here is a link where you can read about it yourself. Some lucky dog, huh? But you know what they say, money can't buy happiness. I wonder if Trouble has anyone to wrestle or play ghost dog or ruff bowling with?

http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/070829/helmsley_s_pooch.html

Gizmo

I received a very surprising e-mail from Gizmo, one of the miniture poodles of Autumn View Farm. I copied the contents below.

"I been reading the blog you done set up. You got it all wrong, I'm your pa, not that Cody bloke. Your ma and me, well we was quite a pair. Cody's good for nothin, don't believe nothin he says. Maybe I come visit you in virginia some day, then we can catch up like father and son should. We can wrestle a bit and I teach you some good moves. Your real dad, Gizmo."

Gosh, I don't know what to make of this. I'm very confused right now, I don't even look like Gizmo. I just want to clear this up.

Seeds of Abu Ghraib?

Don't get me wrong, folks. I like it here in McLean, I love my family. But was this humiliation necessary?

So who do I like?

Many of you have been asking - "so Tommy, who do you like for human president?" I didn't want to respond too hastily, this is, after all, my first presidential campaign. I've given the matter a lot of thought and done quite a bit of research (what else do I have to do with my time during the day?).

At this stage . . . drum roll please . . . I'm prepared to throw my substantial weight behind Hillary Clinton.

I found this web site that clearly lists where each candidate stands on the major issue of the day. Hillary has what it takes, a nice, friendly looking dog, one that wouldn't bully me in the dog park. He looks like the kind of dog you can sit down with and enjoy a bowl of Alpo. And from this picture it's obvious Hillary has made a very happy, stable home life for her family and dog.

As for those other candidates, Richardson's got two cats (nuff said); Huckabee's hunting dog sounds scary; Chris Dodd - wait a minute, who is he, again?; McCain just can't make up his mind; Romney with his horses - who cares? But the worst one, that Obama, he's got no pets and he's already making promises he has no intention of keeping.
----------------------------------------------------------

Here's that web site I was telling you about and I copied the important stuff below the link, so you can read for yourself.

http://www.visitmypet.com/action/content/Presidential_Pets

Democrats
Hillary Clinton owns a chocolate lab named Seamus.
Bill Richardson has two tabby cats, Jackie and Squeaky.
Chris Dodd and Barack Obama have no pets, though Obama has promised his kids a dog.

Republicans
Mike Huckabee has a hunting dog, Jet, and a shih tzu, Sonic.
Mitt Romney's wife owns horses.
Sam Brownback has his two cats, a Lab/blue heeler mix named Twinkle, a miniature Dachshund, Emma and a fish named Marvin Three.
John McCain owns three turtles, three parakeets, a ferret, two dogs, a cat and 13 salt water fish.